I have a reoccurring
nightmare…. I am scrunched up in a hospital corner in a metal chair clutching
Maleck’s infant carrier. While my eyes
and body beg for sleep, it is interrupted by the sounds of a Polynesian
family. They are loud. Evidently somebody’s uncle’s brother’s cousin
has had a turn for the worse. Throughout
the night, my sleep is constantly interrupted by the intercom. I keep hearing the urgent voice of a nurse,
“Stroke patient room 11, stroke patient room 8, the list goes on…” Where am I?”
I wake and remember this is not
a nightmare… this is my reality.
It is February 28, 2009. At age 35, my husband Travis had a
stroke. Our baby boy (number 5) was just
12 weeks old. After Travis was put on
life flight to the IHC Stroke hospital in Murray, he was placed in Neuro ICU. The decision to life flight him was made
after less than 12 hours at our local hospital where more tests and blood work
then he or I can count were performed.
Two black spots on his brain were found.
He had indeed suffered from a stroke. And the question lingered,
“Strokes happen to old people right, not young healthy 35 year olds?”
It had been nearly 24 hours
since our sweet little three year old daughter came to get me in the
bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. Our other four were settled for the
night. She said, “Mommy daddy needs
you,” Doesn’t daddy always need mommy (were my
thoughts)? I kept brushing my teeth. “Mommy,
please daddy needs you now,” she said with a pleading, urgent tone.
I went into our family room
where I met his eyes-those beautiful blue eyes that had seen me through 5
difficult labors were filled with panic and fear. And then he spoke. His words were nonsense. Something was wrong.
Because I was nursing Maleck,
Travis’ mother went on life flight with him.
Dad Rigby drove me and our five little ones (Our oldest was in 5th
grade) to Murray. It was a long
ride. Silence and fear permeated the
air. While our little ones did not
understand the magnitude of what was transpiring, they felt it. Tears fell from my eyes and my thoughts
raced.
Travis arrived before
us. Thankfully, his brother and sister
were there to meet him. When I walked
into the room holding our sweet baby, words fell from my sweet hubby’s
lips. I looked up to see his neuro surgeon
wiping tears from her eyes with a look of disbelief. Travis had not uttered a single sensible word
until his baby boy was placed in his arms- miracle!
There were so many miracles that
transpired through this “lesson” in our life.
It would be hard for me to count, but miracle number one… the Lord was
preparing me. Months before the stroke,
I was being prepared. It seemed
everywhere I went, I saw or heard information relative to strokes- the back of
doctor’s doors, TV and radio ads etc. I
also received emails and had conversations with associates about strokes. I read literature about the signs of
strokes. So when the night came, I knew
Travis was having a stroke. I knew to
give him an aspirin, and then I knew to call our neighbor who was a
doctor. He took Travis in the back door
of the hospital and announced, “this man is having a stroke, he needs a doctor
immediately.” The ER staff came to
attention.
Long story short… After
spending the weekend in Neuro ICU and after various tests and lots of blood
work, the doctor ordered an
echocardiogram. This test showed that
there was a hole in Travis’s heart that had caused the stroke. Conclusion, to prevent any future strokes, the
hole would need to be repaired. The surgery was performed and a 20 mm hub shaped
somewhat like a mesh umbrella was placed in my hubby’s heart. The cardiologist
told us it was the biggest hole he had seen in any patient. After nearly four
hours of making sure his vitals were stable, he was discharged. We were told
his heart was fine — now just go home and get over the stroke…
Not nearly as easy as they made it sound. The hard part: my
husband is young and a very highly functioning stroke victim; there is not a
lot of information and support for young stroke victims in our area. I have googled
a lot — information please!
The stroke affected the speech control portion of his
brain. Typing a one sentence email was a
crowning moment for Travis. Speaking in front of a crowd was another milestone. Feeling a connection with deity took nearly
four years (during the initial stroke I experienced an overwhelming spiritual
high. There were so many angels
strengthening me. Travis on the other
hand, was left without words, without clarity, and without the ability to feel
the comfort of God), He would have preferred his limbs had been affected by the
stroke and not his communication, Wanting to be around large groups of people….
Hmm…? We mark the years off like birthdays since the stroke. This month: February — five years
The effects from his stroke may seem minor or termed residual if
you were looking them up in a textbook. But to me, the wife of this wonderful
man and mother to his five children, they are ever present in our daily lives. Most victims of any brain injury suffer an
alteration to their personalities. We
have waited for our “Travis” to return.
Likewise, he as waited for this as well.
Although discouraged and seemingly alone, Travis never quit. When others may have simply quit “talking and
hid away, Travis has led a successful company, served as Scoutmaster, and
coached several of our children’s athletic teams. Finally,
I believe we have reached the summit. In the distance, I hear
an echo of the priesthood blessing my father and Uncle Kurt administered to
Travis that night in the hospital, ‘In due time, he will be healed.”
Fast forward 3
years and it is Halloween night.
Travis and I are taking our two little ones trick or treating. We are smiling and laughing (It has been a
long time since we have done so) and indulging ourselves in this memory. The autumn night is beautiful and Travis is
visiting with neighbors and friends. Our
children delight in the magic of the evening.
Next morning, I awake and join my girl friends for our morning
run. We decide to take the golf course
loop. I remember not feeling well. I even asked to stop and walk (I never walk).
After which, we kept going and finished our run. I remember thinking, “I wish someone would
stop and ask me for a ride.” Upon
opening the door, I thrust myself into the morning routine… my mind was trying
to talk my body out of what was happening.
I fried eggs for Seleck and Stockton.
I told Travis I was not feeling well.
He took the boys to school. I got
Emma and Madsen up… Travis returned. My
symptoms were worsening. My heart was pounding,
my skin was cold and clammy. I tore my
clothes off hoping to remove the pressure from my chest, and then I had a bath hoping that would help. Nothing did.
I called for Travis and then began vomiting profusely (I don’t
vomit. In fact, I can count on one hand
how many time I have vomited in my life).
Flash back- I told you the
Lord had a way of preparing me for
things. Three works earlier I woke from a dream. In the dream my grandmother was gently
rubbing my face. Her eyes spoke to me as
if to say, “It’s not time yet.” I woke
up thinking, “What?”
Two weeks earlier I had stopped by
Travis’s office. He insisted I watch the
email attachment our neighbor sent him.
(Never, does he show me these things, nor do I ever take time for
them.) That morning I did. The video clip attached to the email depicted
a woman experiencing the symptoms of a heart attack. Her son insisted she call 911. At which point, she did. Funny part was they told her they would be
there in 10 minutes. She looked around
her kitchen in its morning disarray and she asked if they would give her 15
minutes instead.
At this point, I asked Travis to google the symptoms of a heart
attack. I wish you could have seen the
look he gave me. However, after reading
the signs of a heart attack and feeling my pulse. He announced, “We are going to the Emergency
Room.” I asked him to get me an aspirin
before we left.
Thankfully, upon entering the ER doors, our dear friend greeted
us. She was on duty. Chest pain is not something taken lightly
here. I was immediately taken back to a
room . I heard Maleck crying as I
left. I was taken to my cubicle (It was
the same cubicle Travis had on that dreaded night. This is not my favorite place). They checked
my heart rate- 240 beats a minute. It
has been over 2 hours since I came home from my run. Immediately tests are
ran. The tests show no damage to my
heart. It is not a heart attack. But what then? Why was my heart doing this? The nurses kept asking me if I have taken
anything this morning? Do I do drugs.” I
was slightly annoyed and tell them that I do not even drink Coca Cola or any
caffeinated drink.
My heart rate was still racing and needed to be brought
down. The ER Doc administers me a drug
designed to do just that. After two
double doses, the drug was unsuccessful.
At this point, they ushered Travis out the door and escort him to the
waiting room. They told him they will
need to sedate me and shock my heart. It
was not going to be pleasant. They said
it should only be about 20 minutest.
Travis and a doctor gave me a blessing. I don’t remember the words, but I remembered
the feeling that I needed to be diligent (I remember thinking, I am not overly talented, beautiful or
successful, but I can do diligent).Before the doctor began the procedure, I looked at him with begging
eyes and say, “Please do not let anything happen to me, I have five little ones
I need to take care of.” He responded
with a look of shock 
The 20 minutes turned into 1 ½ hours. During the procedure, my heart stopped. When I came to, I was looking at the bed from above the
bed. I was headed somewhere in those
heart stopping moments, but thankfully diligently, I returned.
At this point, the doctors knew that nothing else could be done
for me here. Further answers needed to
be obtained. I was given a nice ride on
the ambulance to St. George. My
mother-in-law rode with me. Travis gathered
the kiddos.
Another long story short-
After 3 days in the hospital and the administration of several
tests, Dr. Molden performed an EP study. It was determined that a ventricular ablation
was needed. During this six hour
surgery, he fixed my heart. Two weeks
later, I returned for a check-up and I was told I could run again.
Wow! Travis and I joke around about the fact that we both have
our own cardiologist. The doctors term
Travis’s heart problem as a “plumbing problem.”
On the other hand, they call mine an “electrical issue.” Whatever the proper name… we both have a
greater understanding of “matters of the heart.”
The seven of us
approach each Valentine’s with open and grateful hearts. We were all changed by
these experiences. We have been touched by such generosity and care from
others. Through these experiences our children have been our “mountains.” They have rallied to the occasion and have
loved and served each other and Travis and I.
They have come to know the brevity of life. Our
hearts have been carved with understanding, greater love, and deeper
appreciation for the “minutes” of life we are granted to share with those we
love. I treasure the moments I have to
experience with our “Fab 5” and I admire the strength and compassion with which
they have been blessed. We are a team of
seven, led by a man who is ever courageous and forever ours. Happy Valentine’s
Day!!
To view more of Brenna's work visit BrennaBurrows.com
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