Monday Memory- In The Forties

 



Seven years ago, I sat at this very table for my birthday breakfast. Mom and Dad Rigby cooked and served an amazing birthday breakfast and  Travis and I were thrilled to announce the upcoming arrival of our 5th child.  Our children were over joyed. However, What followed was to be years of heartache and tragedy.  

 We never experienced the amazing joy of holding that little body in our arms as I miscarried at almost 12 weeks and then miscarried again  a few months later.  I was 34 that day- that now seems so long ago.  What followed was months of heart wrenching pain and depression followed by events that would decisively alter the person I was that day at 34.

 A major career change for Rigby followed that February which was one of those blessings which again created need for growth.  He soon began commuting to Northern Utah and I was left home with our four little ones- 5th grade and under and I also was to take care of our other small business on the home front.  During this time, a monster resurfaced in my life as I had to deal head on with the  abuse with which I experienced as a child.  This led to more depression, more grief and more anxiety.

 But blessings do follow storms.  On April 1, 2009(April Fool's Day- not funny), I took a pregnancy test and it was positive- we were pregnant again.  The pregnancy was touch and go, my prayers became that of a pleading nature.  I knew there was another baby for my arms in heaven.

 Fast Forward 9 months and a very hard pregnancy with a husband who was gone for the majority of it and on December 2, 2009 Maleck Weaver Rigby joined our family- our tears and joy were plentiful.  However, The road was filled with more bumps and trials... Feb 26, 2010 Travis had a stroke (Maleck was 12 weeks old)  life flight, heart surgery, and recovery- it is still ongoing.  Then another little bump, November 1,  2011 a morning run lands me in the hospital with my own brush with death.  My heart rate was at 240 beats a minute and wouldn't reset...  Ambulance ride to St. George, 3 days later and lots of tests and finally answers- heart surgery for me.  So when you see our smiles... know they have been earned- know that getting to 41 is a victory for me.

 Isn't it funny how often we look at family photos of others and we most often wish for a family like that.  But know that every family has its story and beneath the smiles there will most often be sadness.  But what I have learned is that is what makes the joy so beautiful.

 I am glad to be 41.  I am glad the 30's are behind Rigby and I- they were tough.  And I am even grateful for the pain, the sorrow, and the tragedy, for now I know true joy!

 I love my family!  I am so grateful Heavenly Father trusted Rigby enough to send us these five great kiddos.  My cup is full!

 Love and life is a blessing, trials are a blessing, and true joy is a blessing!  Most often the trials can seem to outweigh the joy, but if all I was to get was 2 minutes of joy- I would take it!

Our "Fab Five" are off to school next week.  I hate to see them go.  Seleck is a senior and our baby goes to 1st grade.  This is a turning point, a different kind of beginning for me- I am in my 40's